what to say.. i m overjoyed with happines..
as if i m blessd with glad tidings of new year..
i met laalaa tonite after a big interval,
but damn, the moment went so fast,
we didnt even realise it.
but then 'kithanme vareh viyas hiy nufurene nu.'
i really appreciate her getting out that difficultly,
it really meant a lot to me..
finally i was able to give her ma gift..
she was happy, and that was wat i wanted..
dont woree edm, it fits to one of her finger...
and beleev me its not the thumb.
it lookd cute on her adorable hand,
as if meant to be there
happy new year laalaa
ummmxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have done a little bit of reading on one factor which i think affects our everyday life. ie. the perception factor. Simply the forming of one's perception about the subject. Whether it be about a relationship or merely about gf/bf.
For instance my girl friend might not be calling for a few days or even sending a sms. Worse still, not even returning my calls. There is the despicable situation. Both terrific and troublesome. There are two approaches which we can tackle this one.
1. I can assume she is angry with me for some 'god-knows-only' reason, or do not even want to speak to me, she does not miss me and blah blah..
2. I can be the most understanding guy and think of it in a positive way like.. 'she is busy or something is up and we can talk about when she is ready.' I could give her some time to lessen her worries slightly.
Whatever option we choose, we end up forming a perception accordingly. For example if I chose 1, i may even think of so many bad things about her unnecessarily and unintentionally. I may at one point may be forced to suspect her. Damn!
This is where I am concerned. This is when so called perception forms which ultimately start to govern all our actions and controls our thoughts. At one point our behavior towards that particular something or someone takes a different track.
In a nutshell, what I am saying is just because everything does not happen as your expectancy theory, it does not mean that you should think of it in the most negative way possible. Your attitude determines everything.
Just off the record, one of my friends told me about her this sickness. She had been a sick one all her life. Everyone regarded her as retarded. And she started to believe their spoon-fed theory which put her life into misery. Then something happened. She changed her way of thinking, her perception towards that sickness was altered. I am proud to say that she is doing real great even though one time the doctors gave zero hopes on her life.
So here I am. I think the perception I took on Laa's ignorance was not appropriate. I really have messed it up. I wish she would give me the chance to edit and to relive it. I did make too many blunders and now i regret it all. From tonight onwards, I will change my approach and even stop thinking she is ignoring me. She is just being busy and lets give her some time to cool off.
@Studies
i will beat everyone in ma course and get the first place
i will join LLB on my employers sponsor
@Family
i will do everything to help my family
i will help mom and all
i will help ghaalee n nafaa with their works
@Work
i will join one of work place. either AG or PG
i will impress everyone there and do my best
@Love
i will love laa more n more
But i will give her space to move on.
i will try not calling her so many times.
i will not be a romantic.
@Friends
they will be there,
i will tend to their needs
@Religion
i will pray at least 3 every day
i will finish quran every monthly basis
dear lord, help me attain these.
insha allah
hm.. anekka ves new year fettenee dho
have u come up with ur resolutions yet?
o jst delayin the process for some later time?
i ges there is no point in delayin. make one..
and it beter be soon...
bt chose things u can keep up with.
make things which u can act upon
rather than deceiving ur self n self confidence
think of things which is really needed
and omit things which u may do without
laa, i dont kno wat to say..
i m missing u so much..
i tot of putting a bear in this..
for u love bear the most..
every time i c this bear..
i love u more and more..
maybe i m jst stupid..
bt i love u unlimited.
for u tot me hw to love..
and the happiness within..
another dreamy day turnin out.
another uselez nite being called a nite.
hey congra to me..
i got Distinction in GPL.
thank god..
i paid 8,000.00 of faisal be ge rufiya..
stil a lot more to go.
wel wel/ dhenme nidhafa aeema nw ma head is being hit..
laa ah ves vaa varu dho.. keekranee...
naseeb dhera me..
um.. mire ves inthixar kranee hama..
she messgd me.. not sm shweet one..
more like out of obligation..
anyways.. evaru ves me ah ok ey..
she said adhi negeyo mire ves meet nuvane kameh..
she gives me hope every nite..
bt konme niteh nime iru it turns to despair
for a start, today is usual..
jst the usual things happening al da way
i cudn make to da bday party.
both twinkle n her mom is sick.
i apologizd, and was acceptd.
nothin unusual abt that..no regrets
um.. the rest i wud rather skip.
is she playin with me?
then lets play it her way.
is she lurving me?
then lets love her way
is she ignorin me?
then y wudnt i ignore her double?
does she want to be with me and she is bit busy these days?
then hel i wud want her more than anyone els,
and i wud be waiting givin her some space to move on..
this is da last call i m making
note the time..
21:24.. December 27..
i love her more n more.. she really is testing ma limits to patience..
gal u better stop it rite here.. o i wud burn in ma own patience.
here i am again.. jst now got a call from my buddy soft.
gave little bit of happy news. it really is happy if they
are goin to increase ag's salary to around 18.
dat wil be real fun.. especially wen i m in this much financial debt.
we tokd abt the last 'dhas venimumuge' ceremony.
he said that thubulhi laafa hunna man got the first place in ACSL.
whoo knows, lik he said i mite be first this time.
wel wel .. stil no news of laa.. i am getting tired of staying here..
i shud go to edm's house kan nege. aha.. there i remembr.. edm ge kreege
x invited me and ma twinkle to bday.. i dont kno if i can make it..
lets c wat magic i can make with the magic invitation wand.
Dear god.. i kno ur there.
ur da most merciful, most gracius..
i truly believe it to da fullest
for u give me energy to rite and to b.
without u i wud be a big nothing.
i wud have no where to go..
lord, u kno the circumstances, u kno it al
u know wats deep etchd in my mind and all
ur the best tenderer.. best nurturer.
plz god.. hear ma supplications..
even though i didnt perform every prayer,
i kno ur there, ur kind..
plz plz god bestow me energy to go thru al this..
kindly give me.. for ur kind..
ur the only one who knows everythin..
u kno faisal be wil be asking for those money..
and u are the only one hoo can help me recover those.
i m one of ur creation, out of so many..
i have faith.. because i believe in Allah..
plz straigten the loopholes in my relationship/
make us committed..
i pray to u.. dear almitee.. asthaghu firullah..
what to write here?
i really dont kno..
my mind is so filled up
dont know if it is related to last nite
she is not offering me anythin
except 'kameh nuve'
kameh nuvanama wud she act lik dat?
durin da past year wenever,
my mind conjurs somthin like this,
it turned to be something.. not a nothin.
plus there are some factors here.
she didn call me..
i dont kno maybe i shudnt write anthn at all here..
mayb that wil help..
damn.. she is givine me such a hard time.
i havent touched a meal or merely drank a thing since last nite.
not that i want to die of hunger o somethin..
i jst cud not.
i dont kno.. all other times things didnt go this far..
we went for a long walk today evenin..
we were not alone..
even though it is no so,
we somehow were happy..
mayb to see each other..
popcorn we enjoyed..
we continued on our own path..
me to mosque followd by office..
she to her home.
after a long time,
my missing of her intensified.
so i called.. to hear that lovly voice..
to give me enuf strenght to go thru da nite
for i get energised by her toks..
damn.. 'madhan miulhenee rashah dhaan'
shit.. shit..
shit
shit..
i jst cudnt take it..
its not fair..
bt then da world is not fair at al.:(:(
''weeps''
''''weeeps'''
wherever u go.. i wil lv u foreva.
at last my call came out of the blues
the one i been anticipating since 8
i rushed to my queen, more like an athlete,
running for the gold medal with full stamina
i walked restlessly varah baarah towards artificial
and there i met my 'dhon hiyala'
for the second time in more than a year.
much beautiful than yester-night.
blossoming like a shweet flower in tropics
pity i cudnt take a flower with me
to dampen her majesty's beautiful lips
we shared a moment which lasted till 2330
got a lil cozy place as if bookd for her prescence
shared the joy and the beauty of the breezing nite.
but then we turned home and queen was unable to enter..
queen got stuck out at her palace..
there she was 'milaafa' like a leaf..
turning around here and there in worry..
one gnt ummeez and i was gone.. lurv ya
For the first time i met Laa Laa.
And damn, she gave me hell lota surprises.
She came here without even telling me.
I neva expected my feelings to be true,
and for her to be in here..
cause it is so so so unexpected and out of the blues.
she succeeded in giving me a surprise,
by lying ofcourse, which was easily forgiven,
by her mere prescence.
as her word, she was wearing 'buruga'.
i was happy cause i knew for some part,
she wore it because i told her to.
the most happiest thing was i got to spend so many,
well not so many, times with her ALONE>
but which was not enuf and neva wil be.,
its like a rare jewel getting into ur hand
and u know that it wil be taken from u soon..
lets hope she wil be here for some more time..
we did memorable things, which i wil cherish every moment of.
dont kno abt her, bt i expect it to be the same.. i m sure she wil too.
first it was bit akward... and its so dreamy..
bt the events followed proved it as true and reality.
then the atmosphere turned to rom.. and rom we did..
by means of a walk.. drink.. hugs.. and one small kiss..:)
love u lots n lots pumpkins
dated 22/12/2008 2043
In wonderful moments,
I think of u.
In sorrow and depair,
I turn to u.
In despicable situations,
I call for u.
In every moment,
I take solace from u.
Clouds are standing by,
Giving way to my rotten feelings,
Watching my every move,
Wondering if i would do right,
Unlike other times when i failed.
My determination is strong,
Powered by god-given gift of empowerment.
The so familiar fear is out of the way,
stepping into a road with no obstacles on the way.
Since it is my birthday I tried to be awake hoping to hear my love wish me a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
Whose wish is the only wish I was looking forward to and in need of,
Believe it or not, I have had to struggle to keep awake. I tried watching a movie for that sake.
Actually I watched 3. Anyways I could not succeed in not sleeping. I lost the battle and I woke up around 0040. My first instinct was to search for the phone.
There it was, four messages and 5 missed calls.
NO PRESENTS. NO CELEBRATIONS, NO TREATS, nothing at all. Only wishes.
Another lame birthday, I guess.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..
its true for some part i came to office on official busines,
but the other half of it was to meet my shweet pumkin.
i hav been waiting and waiting..
i waited for her to get outta shwer..
a wait like no other, a wait of 1 or more hour..
and then she gives me new hope.. i get asked to wait for her call
i wait and wait, as always.. with the new flame..
my post is ending.. so is the time..
its almost 22:30..
my hopes are getting dimmer..
will she turn up? or will she care to call and let me kno she cant make it?
o worse.. will she forget that i am waiting for her..
in this despicable place with nothin els to do..
except wait.. such a long wait..
first of all, praises are to be god, the lord of all the world,
for the blessings which were offered to me,
without my realisation and to my knowledge,
showing me a miracle, making me 'glitter' in appreciation
good lord, give me the company as always,
forget not me, for if You did none can help me,
but i will be helpless and deserving no place other than the pit.
dear lord, show me onto the right path,
bestow me the knowledge and 'hilm' which i always ask from You.