Fever!

I am having fever....

I am having a major headache....

I am going through rough time....

I am totally messed up...

Got loads to write...

But nothing seems to come out...

My head is so full of thoughts...

Kudakoh ves ragalhuvee when i used medicine last night!

Not to worry...

It is like rain... It will come and go...

Just have to tolerate a bit.. struggle a little.

It's Dreadful!

Me, my cousin and mom were having lunch when sis yelled at me.
"I wonder if you people do observe her!", she refered to mom.
"Look how she is struggling to reach her hand over to her mouth? Do not you people have a heart? Is your heart only to your lovely and youthful wives? Are not you people bound to show her to a proper medical officer?"

These words hit me like a blade of a sword.
It really is true. My mom seems to be struggling much more these days. But what can i do? I can only go to hospital when I have been provided with money.

Last week me and mom went to IGMHospital. I even asked the psychiatrist about her shivering and vibration part. Or 'thuru thuru elhun' part. That doc said it could happen after small small strokes, which is totally unnoticeable. She also said it could be worsening especially after my father's death. But 'eyeh miyeh' can only be known after we do CT Scan at ADK (IGMH machine halaak vefa o:P).

Hope nothing bad happens to her. I might be rough on her sometimes. But I do not know what will happen to me if I lose her. I am sure it wont be the same as my father's death.

Anyways, she is so vulnerable these days. But my brothers sometimes seem to forget it. I don't know how to make them aware except saying, 'you will be the same one day or worse and you would act just like that'.

Commitment , My Foot!

I vow never to get committed to any relationship,
But to play along all the way till the end.
End is expected and it sure will come.. It's only about time.
When the clock hits the target, then no more turning or regretting.
For whatever you did you will be facing it nevertheless.

No more commitment but you should only go with the flow.

EHEN KAN NEGE.... :P

Not Worth a Penny

I have waited for 'her' to return too long.
I have compromised too much of my time and beliefs over 'her'.
I have re-shaped my life with 'her' flow.
I have allowed myself to think I was wrong all the time and 'she' was right.
I have sacrificed too many things just to make her happy.
I have spent sleepless nights just thinking of 'her'.
I have walked thousand miles just to meet her.

But nothing I did was to any avail.
In the end, my doings were not appreciated.
Not even she called to pronounce the word, 'LEAVING'.
And never even she dared to call up or message and say, 'it's over!'
I was not right in thinking I would get at least that much after this investment.

My investment is NO MORE..
Our relationship is NO MORE..
We ARE no longer Together.

Only my life will go on..

'I Thought My Life is Settled!'

After higher secondary education, I joined Island Aviation Services as a passenger services assistant. It was the one I chose over three other job offers. It is true I got about 7+ each month. There was nothing else in my life during those days except going to airport and sleeping, getting ready for the next duty. I REALLY did not have any time for friends or family. No holidays, not even Eid or Friday if that matters. Indeed, I was very much committed to my job. I handled my customers with a playful smile and offered friendly services. They were happy. So was I.

Was I wrong in thinking that my life is settled at that point? Was I not right in imagining that my life is very well placed and paced? Was my attitude inappropriate when I chose to settle on the statement, 'I thought my life is settled'. I thought my world is full and I am living to the maximum. I mean, what the heck, I got a real one-time-job which I loved. I could hang on to it for the rest of my life.

But I turned to be wrong. My life was not settled, after all. I thought of the things I am missing only when my officemate, Ihusann attacked me emotionally and hit me with the reality. By the time he finished his theory of my life I was feeling really stupid and then only I realised what a pit I had made out of my life. Thank you Ihu.

My determination about my life and future weakened. My conviction staggered. Thus I chose to be out and grabbed the first opportunity at FSL, MCHE. And I really do not regret it. At least not yet. Now I have got a profession to work on. A dream to pursue on. A hard and challenging one.

Aargh! If only I chose something short!

How My Step-Mom Died!

You might be surprised when you read the title of the post!
Have I got a step-mom? Then how come I never told you?
You might be wondering to and fro about this.

Actually I had a step mom. But she can be refered to as my late-step-mom.
I never had a chance to see her as my dad only remarried when she died.
It left him with two children from that marriage - my two step-bros.
One of them do not regard us or our family as part of him.
Another one is married to my very close aunt and we get along real fine.
There is no talk about him being step or non-step.
He is the supreme in our little family.

I guess that will be enough of an introduction.
When this bro is asked to go to an uninhabited island, he always tell he is willing to go anywhere except to the one near our island known as Wodamulaa.
He even admits that he dread to remain in the island alone.

According to him, that island is the cause of his mom's death.
He still remembers that particular day when they were in that island and she was alone in the woods while all others were staying in the beach area.
When she came out she was eating something. She was said to say that she was eating this fish with this something with this someone.

But when the name of the person was mentioned who fed her, it was well clear that person never even went to that island on that day.
And to confirm this, after some time she started to vomit and she died...

I do not want to believe in ghosts. But stories like this can not be untrue, unless you come up with a better theory..

So Long!

Sender: +960 778 00 00
Date n time: 17/01/2009 00:45:10
Message:
Your account balance is RF. 4.84. Please recharge to continue using the service.

It has been a very long time since this stupid message dropped in my inbox
More than 3 years I have been hiding from this horrible message of Dhiraagu.
This was one of the reason I got hold of a postpaid in the first place.
I never expected this one. Not now.

In fact, i thought I have learnt to live without this, until tonight.
I guess this message is just another way to remind me that I am using a prepaid once again, after so long.

I remember I used to suggest people to go for a postpaid every time they are out of credit and unable to make a call even if out of desperation.
Well, I am in the same boat now.
They and myself are in the same situation.

Believe me postpaid sucks... and...
Prepaid... STINKS!

Where Is The Label?

After lot of tots, tonight am deciding to put labels to my posts.
It happened to be a complain to some. I guess it wont be now.

There are some other reasons to it, of course.
I believe some in my family has got loads of tragic stories to tell.
In fact, I have been meaning to share those with my blog and you.
There are both hysterical and mysterious stories.

And the other reason is i am just thinking about putting my diary notes in here.
Time is of essence. No one knows what will happen to me or when it would happen.
I thought it would be a gr8 idea to reveal some or all of my dark secrets and worst fears.

Who knows? Keep looking..! I might publish my will in here or it could be my suicide note.. keke.. But that will happen only when and if i go totally insane.!

Sad!

um... um...
unlike other times i could not write my daily notes last night.
when i got home it was late night and all were asleep.
there was no place for me to sleep :(
worst of all, i could not even get hold of my notepad.
i just sat watching Raju Chaachaa on star gold, feeling both drawn and tired.

Duno, i heard my shweet shafu crying and the sound of my sis.
i somehow fell asleep on the chair with the remote.
shafu was vomiting like no other and it was all over the place.
even a mere sniff of it would make you vomit too.
whole the night i had to go through that. Me, Sis and Mom.
and ofcourse, Shafoo.. i was surprised that no other awoke even to the sound of it.
they were dead asleep even when she was taken to hospital in the rain at 3 o'clock in the mornin. {Sleepy heads}

hm.. as for today, i have tried myself to be very busy so that i can at least forget somethings i am going through.
how i wish i can forget all those moments spend with 'her'...
i still can't understand why she did this or is doing this to me?

Broken Heart

This was written on yesterday night before i went to bed.. But i could not publish it since i have no internet connection at home now..

Today has been so sick and full of tragedy except for somethings.
I wish i could skip 13.01.09 and totally erase the date.

I am so blank tonight.
So many things are gathered in my head right now.
Just do not know what to ink out.

I changed my number tonight.
It starts with 7800..
Yeah, sola your right!
Now dhiraagu has being issuing those. Salhi dho?
And it's not a post paid but happens to be a prepaid account.
I figured that i do not need to carry a post paid anymore, now that i do not have special someone to call to.
Still then I do not feel happy in changing to a prepaid after using a line for too many years.

Everything is ruined.
I need to modify all the codes of my life.
I am forced to start all over starting with a zero.

Right now i am not feeling very great about babies, families and even relationships.
So i would skip the part about Fainan's (kinda my ex-office mate..)new-borne except to say the baby boy was lovely.
I do not think it is right to blame a baby or some other one who did not do a thing to me, just because of my mood or what just happened to me.
It would not be morally good and it won't be fair.

After that me and my former office mates, Kandi, Hulk and Twizzer went to Watergate.
I enjoyed a lavazza black since i had no apetite to eat.
I should say it felt good after seeing them, even after my-bad happenings.
We chit-chatted on different scenarios and our talk point took different courses.

Finally i am at home writing to my dear blog another long post.

PS. I had skipped the most serious part because i do not want 'her' memory to hurt me... But I can't help saying i really feel like being betrayed.. and this feeling stinks.

Sorry I forgot this part.. just for the record..
My eldest bro called me after i messaged to update my new number, and demanded to know why i am doing this.
I had no reply except saying it's for some days..
I hung up and both of us know there is more to it.
He was concerned for me, and his suspicion is right.
Something is NOT RIGHT!

But i can't confide in him.. I am sorry bro.
I do not want to talk about a relationship which just went into pieces.
No hard feelings.